What is that?

In a season known for giving, my sister-in-law is a gift terrorist. Not a person I would ever describe as "friendly", Debbie uses presents like weapons in her not-so-subtle attacks upon other family members.

It started nine years ago when she presented my wife (her sister) with a colorful box full of used towels. Christmas towels were on my wife's wish list and nothing says "I care" more than pre-stained towels. Over the years Debbie has cast her scorn upon all of us. One year my son received a one dollar gift certificate to Dairy Queen from his aunt. Even if she skipped him completely he could reason that maybe he was forgotten, but a one dollar gift certificate says "I remember, I just don't think much of you".

A few years back I received a lovely book on how to write a winning resume from Debbie, although I was gainfully employed at the time. Apparently, either Debbie knew something about my job situation that I didn't know, or she just didn't have much confidence in my ability to keep a job. I worried for weeks that somehow she had psychic insight into my employment future.

This year my wife was, once again, a target. Aside from her statement gifts (like my resume book), Debbie likes to buy odd gifts as well. She must enjoy watching others as they strain to figure out what exactly an item is. This years enigma was a two foot tall ceramic object that looked like a cross between a flower pot, a pizza serving platter and hockey's Stanley Cup Trophy. I half expected my wife to strap on her skates and lap the rink, holding this think over her head. My father-in-law though it looked like a satellite dish and I guessed that it was an indoor bird bath, but none of us could be sure. My son suggested that we all wash our feet in it, which sounded like a pretty good idea.

Whatever it was, it sure was a topic of conversation. I kept the box it came in hoping to re-wrap it and give it back to Debbie for her birthday. Won't she be happy.