Et tu Will?

When asked about his age, Hall of Fame baseball pitcher Satchel Paige once quipped "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?" I've read that quote a million times and I am still not sure what that old man was saying. Perhaps Satch was saying that you are as old as you feel? If that's the case, my days are numbered.

The aging process has not been particularly kind to me. Various ailments have reduced this once athletic fellow into a lurching, wheezing pile of walking cholesterol. I never really cut a dashing figure (even in my youth) however, I never resembled ten pounds of kielbasa packed into a a five pound casing until I was forty.

Last week I was helping my son study for his History exam and came across an assignment that he had turned in earlier in the week. The homework called for Will to ask his father two historically relevant questions. 1) Who was President of the United States when your father was born? 2) How much did a loaf of bread cost in the year your father was born? I didn't remember my son asking me these questions, but these days I can't remember a lot of things. I saw no answers on his homework sheet and asked him why he didn't do the assignment. Will assured me that he completed the assignment and presented his answers in class. This proactive approach to homework sounded fishy to me. Wasn't this the same kid who brought a frozen 7-11 burrito into Spanish class as his culinary contribution for the Cinco De Mayo fiesta?

Probing deeper, I asked how he was able to research the answers to these questions without conferring with me. His cryptic response was "My teacher is really cool and accepted just about any answer". I pressed on. "What does that mean?" "It means, don't worry about it" he snapped. Now I'm getting mad. "Maybe I''ll just have to call your teacher" I shot back, hoping to crack Will's silence. "Have at it dude" mumbled Will paging through his study guide.

Following a sleepless night, I called the teacher in question. He was a affable fellow who had nothing but good things to say about my son. When I asked him about the homework assignment he began to laugh loudly into the phone. " I thought that you might be calling me" he chuckled. The teacher went on to explain what a great sense of humor Will had and that how my son often lifted his class with a clever line. I agreed that Will was quite a cut-up when he wanted to be. No closer to the truth I continued my interrogation. Cautioning me not to be mad, the teacher finally read me Will's assignment.

1) Who was President when I was born? Answer: Julius Caesar
2) What was the cost of a loaf of bread in the year I was born? Answer: a chicken.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. The teacher then added that he thought the answer was very imaginative and even linked to the Roman studies chapter which they were reviewing in class. I shared a good laugh together and I thanked him for his time.

For the record, the correct answers are..

1)Dwight David Eisenhower
2) $.19

If Satch is right about being as old as you feel, then this noble Roman is truly ancient.