Tales from the Temple
At month's end Jewish people all over the world will celebrate the beginning of a new year, the year 5769. A friend recently asked me, "Why is the Jewish calendar so different from the regular calendar?" At first I thought about offering a "home-made" explanation equating the Jewish calendar to that of the Chinese, heralding 5769 as the "Year of the Gefilte Fish", but it seemed like too much work.
Surely a Hebrew School lifer (such as me) could provide a simple explanation regarding the origins of the time measurement as concocted by my ancestors?
Frankly, I have very little to show for my six grueling years of religious study. Mentally absent during class, I could speak and read the chosen language with the proficiency of your average Eskimo. After six years you would think that something would soak in, yet, I remain hebreacally illiterate to this day.
Attending temple as a child was a yawn-inducing siege with no outlet to vent. Hours passed, fathers dozed, and children, stricken down by boredom, would lay prostrate on the carpet, overcome by the monotony. To re-create this scene with your own kids, simply drag your child to the wallpaper store for a few hours, then, whisk them off to an opera and observe the desired effect some time between the first act and intermission.
When the High Holidays neared, our temple would mail out what amounted to a sales piece offering tickets for the big events. Funds were raised for building improvements and other synagogue matters through the sale of these tickets. Dutifully, my parents supported the cause and purchased tickets for the entire family. During a particularly lean financial year for the Kaufman family, my Dad had to scale back on the ticket order, cutting our ticket inventory in half. Somewhat embarrassed by the situation, Pop enlisted my help in a scheme he had devised so every family member could attend.
When we arrived at the temple, Pop sent me into the building first, pushing a ticket into my left hand. Once inside I would race immediately to the coat room and rendezvous with him as he waited outside of the back window. Entering the building I double-timed it to the coat room window where Pop awaited. Checking over my shoulder for witnesses, I passed my ticket back to Pop, then ran back to the entrance, greeted one of my sisters, grabbed her ticket and headed back to the window where Pop would, again, re-circulate the entry pass to another family member. Although I felt like I was short-changing God in some way, I understood that it was the only way we could attend as a family.
Little by little we inched into the synagogue, my sisters and Mom unaware of the covert manner in which we entered. It wasn't until we all sat down that I realized that I hadn't taken the last ticket to the coat room and that my Dad was still waiting outside. The service was about to begin as I slipped through the congregation and headed for the coat room. Remembering that the coat room door was locked during the observance period, I quickly returned to the sanctuary only to find the doors closed, barring me from entrance.
Sweating and gasping for air, I made my way to the main entrance where I found my dad trying to negotiate his way passage into the edifice, even promising the unflappable doorman that he wouldn't pray if he gained entrance. Unable to reach a settlement with the unyielding door-keep, Pop sat down on the temple stairs and waited. Closed out as well, I joined my partner-in-crime on the stoop missing most of the holiday ceremonies.
The following year we were able to purchase tickets for everyone and my dad made sure to include some extra funds in the envelope, an offering meant to square himself with God, I suspect. During my two hour wait with Pops on the stairs of the synagogue I learned that skirting the system never seems to turn out like you planned and that temple can be quite exciting, (rarely, alright almost never, but sometimes). To all I wish you a happy and prosperous 5769 and serve this reminder that now id the perfect time to start planning your big 5770 "Year of the Matzo Ball" extravaganza!
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