Jeter Taking the Soul Train?

The origin of the Faust legend can be traced back to northern Germany in the early 1500's. Three hundred years later Goethe embellished the tale for the theatre. On May 29, 1995 Derek Jeter made his professional debut in a Yankee uniform signifying opening night for demonic drama in the Bronx.

How can one man have so much? Jeter hits .300 plus every year, plays a flawless shortstop, has a handfuls of World Series rings, earns 20 million a year playing ball, and has a dating Rolodex that would make Hugh Hefner turn pea-green with envy. Why? One need only refer to Goethe's text for the answer.

I might be mistaken, but I think it happened something like this.... Somewhere in Michigan on a hot summer night in 1989, a lanky schoolboy titled a weegie board at an off angle and mistakenly conjured up the "Prince of Darkness" himself.

Startled by this horrifying apparition, the young boy fled into a nearby cornfield only to find Lucifer waiting for him among the stalks.

"Come forward child, I will not harm you" spoke Satan, fixing his fiery eyes fixed on the trembling youth.

"I don't know who you are Mister, but you sure are f-f-f-ffast" stuttered the boy

"Ran the forty in 1.3 back in the day" spoke The Evil One "How would you like to have that kind of speed son?"

"But I'm the slowest kid in school" said the boy "and the ugliest too"

"I might have guessed that second one on my own" said Satan, shading his blazing eyes "You look like a gargoyle I once knew named Reggie. Yikes!"

"Gee whiz mister, I get enough of that school" said the boy bowing his head.

"It doesn't have to be like that" said Satan "I can help you run faster, look handsome and be the idol of thousands."

"Really?" said the boy "Could you make me a great baseball player like Mickey Mantle?"

"Who?" asked Satan

"Mickey Mantle from the New York Yankees, silly!" exclaimed the boy

"Oh yeah, Mantle, sure, I remember him. Met him when he was about your age" said Satan

"You know Mickey Mantle?!" asked the boy

"Absolutely, how do you think hit all of those home runs when he was half-in-the-bag?" said Satan

"Can you make me a great player like Mickey?" said the boy

'Sure can" assured Satan "All you need to do is sign your name on this piece of paper and all of your dreams will come true."

From beneath his robe Satan produced a brittle looking scroll and a small dagger. With an outstretched hand Satan grabbed the boy's palm and pricked the child's thumb with the knife.

"Holy Cow, that smarts!" cried the boy

"Don't be a baby!" snapped Satan "it's just a little blood. Now take your boo boo finger and sign on the bottom line of this contract.

Satan had not created Steve Boros yet so the negociations went quick and smooth.

The young boy scribbled his name in blood and the deal was forever sealed.

Derek Jeter had signed a eternal term pact with the Devil and the rest is recorded in the annals of Yankee history.

Somewhere in America a slow witted, non-athletic child dreams of being the next Derek Jeter. In the Bronx, a super-model waits in Jeter's Yankee Stadium luxury box witnessing her shortstop boyfriend's assault on the post season record book. Lurking in the shadows is Satan, thirsting for fresh souls and biding his time until he collects his debt from the Yankee captain.

Hell's co-ed softball team will be adding a new middle infielder someday, moving Jack the Ripper to third base.

Does the seven train stop in Hell?